that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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