Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
