I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
