what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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