Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
