2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Randomize
