We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
