True but thats because hes a fetus.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize