why didn't you poke me back
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
