i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
