Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
