he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Pooping to opera.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
