so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
