I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
