Those balls look pretty dangerous.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
