OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
