im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
