so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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