So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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