Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
