I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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