Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
