defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
