so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
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