Sry I called you an 8
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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