Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
