Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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