well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
