Operation Purity has been aborted
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
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I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
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You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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