it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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