If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
