i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
