I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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