totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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