Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
