you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
