Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
