He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
