Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
