You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
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how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
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As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
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