he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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