i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
