I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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