Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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