she was so not down for the gang bang
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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