Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
