i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
