Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
