that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
