Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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