I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
