So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
