if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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