yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
