his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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