careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
