whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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