so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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