So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
