I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
