Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
