We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
