woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
