Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Randomize
