my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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