she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I supernannyed him into submission
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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