Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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