hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Your cock deserves a montage
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
