Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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