do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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