just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize