so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize