Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
