Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
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